I am so Blessed.

God, you are sufficient.

This past week was really heart-breaking for me.
As a Christian for however long, I always thought life would be much better
and far easier with Christ in my life.
For Christ is sufficient, right?

But the more I interact with people,
the more I notice how sinful all men are.
And it makes it more difficult for me to love,
and to truly abide by God's will.

God, this past week, I've found myself falling under the trap
of just feeling SO lonely all the time.
That I have no one to go to for all my problems.
That I want a sister in Christ who I can go to for everything,
and for her to look to me.
I find myself feeling so discouraged as a newcomer to church sometimes.
Because everyone has already found their group of sisters to keep each other accountable.
Because I am so new to everything, I feel so inadequate with God's word.
All I wanted was approval from people.


But Lord, I PRAISE you, for you have not blessed me with these things.
I have learned to be blessed for the things I don't have.
Your grace is sufficient. and it is enough.
For me to ask more is SO selfish.

Lord, you broke my heart to see how sinful I was,
for always thinking about myself.
And because I focused far too much on relationships with people.
I lost focus of Christ -- the one who deserves all honor & glory.

As humans, I feel like each any everyday,
we take Christ's love for granted.
Why though? We don't deserve His grace.
Why did God love us to begin with?
Can anyone answer that?
Alone, we can never be worthy of God's love,
we deserve His wrath.
Yet Christ BECAME sin for us,
"In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade-- kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God's power..." (I Peter 1:3-5)
Because of Christ, we are given this life,
and life after death.

How can I be so selfish to say that I want more?
When Christ essentially had nothing.
How can I say that I feel lonely?
I can't imagine how lonely Christ was.
He had no one to sympathize with Him.
No one understood how He felt.
Can we ever? Can we ever fully understand Christ?

When I become selfish,
to want approval from people,
to want to do things under my will,
I am ultimately insulting Christ,
by saying, "I don't need Christ, I can rely on myself".
...I am essentially damaging the cross.
I take the Gospel for granted far too many times.
Christ already paid my debt,
why must I dwell upon my sins?

Everything has been done through Him already.
I don't need anything more,
for His grace is more than enough.

I think this week, I've really learned just how merciful God is as well,
and we should constantly be receiving from our brothers and sisters.
When someone compliments us, receive.
Instead of, "Oh no...I'm not that great.". False humility.
Just receive. Why turn away & reject from all that God provides?

And I have learned just how blessed I am,
for the people that God has placed in my life.
When I find myself stumbling and trying to fit in,
my walk with God only grows more distant.

I just need to love my Lord and Savior.
All honor to Him. Because I am a sinner,
I am deserving of nothing but His wrath,
yet Christ had accomplished what man could not.

I have all that I ever needed.
Loving sisters, accountability, but most importantly,
I have Christ as my Savior.
And that is all I need.


I think from now on, I will do my best to update at least once a week.
& just list out things I am thankful for.

Thankful for:
- the Gospel
- God's grace & mercy
- the Bible.
- the church & the body of believers.
- my realization as a selfish being & ability to repent.
- the encouragement I receive from my sisters
- times of fellowship with brothers & sisters
- my small group & the accountability
- sophomore prayer meetings
- Sunday Service & Bible Studies
- my job.
- my roommate Tammy.
- my family.
- my friends from home.
- Basics to Christianity class.
- being a student at UCI.
- being able to laugh to my heart's content.
- being able to persevere through midterms & to study diligently.
- time management.
- regained full recovery from shingles.
- the car I dented was someone I knew, instead of a complete stranger.

I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving & Winter Break.
Winter break most of all though.
This time around though, I REALLY want to be more intentional with my time with God.
This quarter, I've come to realize how time is such a precious gift from God,
and we must use it to honor Him.
Being so busy with school and work, I've come to appreciate my down time.
Sometimes, I want school to end,
so that I can just devout ALL my time to Him.
But I know that God has called me to be a student,
therefore I should be a good student.
But yeah, I'm just really excited to have a break.
I want to meet up with so many people.
I want to read more of the Bible,
learn more about the Bible doctrine,
and pray more. Definitely pray more.
I feel like now, my time with God is always too short.
But I hope to really devout more time for Him.
And for the spread of His kingdom.
And in the meantime, continue to do what I have to do,
and remain intentional -- keeping Christ close to my heart.

Lord, I love you. :]